Why do so many Women Struggle with Self Love & Self Care?
It’s not unusual in this day and age for women to find themselves juggling lots of different roles & responsibilities. From climbing the career ladder, to caring for others, it seems that women have a natural tendency to take care of everyone around them. But something always seems to fall by the wayside and that is their own Self Care. Why is it that women are so good at looking after others, but struggle to show themseles that same level of care and attention?
Common Expectations and Gender Roles
From a young age, women are brought up to be caregivers. Traditional gender roles and common expectations play a big part in this type of mindset - think about toys that you were given as a child, I bet you had a dolly, a kitchen or a nurse’s set? Girls are regularly encouraged to be nurturing, accommodating and selfless and as they grow into women, these beliefs become ingrained, which leads to a natural tendency to prioritise the needs of others over their own.
Society often celebrates women who sacrifice their own needs for the sake of their families or careers, This external validation reinforces the belief that self worth it tied to how much you do for others. This can then make women feel guilty or selfish when they focus on their own needs and make them see Self Care as a luxury rather than a necessity.
The Pressure to be Perfect
The pressure to be perfect can be overwhelming. Women are expected to excel in their careers, keep on top of household chores, show up at ever class/game/show their children do AND attend all their social commitments too. Constantly chasing this “perfect” life means there is zero time for Self Care and seeing other’s Instagram worthy life, only makes it worse. The fear of falling short can lead to committing to things that you just don’t have the capacity for, which will eventually lead to burnout and this means even less time for Self Care!
Perfectionism also drives women to set unrealistically high standards for themselves. You might feel like if they can’t dedicate a regular, substantial amount of time to practicing Self Care, well what is the point in doing it? This all-or-nothing mindset can prevent you from taking even small steps towards looking after your own wellbeing.
The Invisible Mental Load
The mental load often goes unnoticed, but includes all the invisible planning, organising and remembering that women have to do. Things like remembering to do the shopping, scheduling appointments, remembering birthdays as well as providing emotional support for friends and family. This constant need to be available and always “on” can be overwhelming and absolutely exhausting, leaving very little time or energy for Self Care.
The Role of Guilt
Guilt is one of the main reasons that I see, why women don’t practice Self Care. Many women feel guilty for taking time for themselves, believing that their loved ones come first. Many women believe that by making themselves a priority, they are neglecting their responsibilities and letting others down.
What’s more, women who do try and practice a bit of Self Care might face judgement or criticism from others, reinforcing the idea that their needs are less important. This pressure from those around you can make it really hard to break free from the cycle of self neglect.
The Lack of Time & Support
Another of the main reasons that women struggle with Self Care, is the perceived lack of time. With such busy schedules, Self Care can feel like another things on your already never-ending to-do list. Sometimes, finding even just a few minutes for yourself can feel absolutely impossible.
On top of that, a lack of support can make Self Care difficult. Without a supportive network of family and friends, you might find it hard to delegate responsibilities and ask for help. This can lead to feelings of isolation and make your own priorities stay at the bottom of the pile.
How Women Can Prioritise Self Love & Self Care
Despite all these challenges, it is possible for you to prioritise Self Love & Self Care. Here are some tips to help you make Self Care a part of everyday life:
CHANGE YOUR SELF CARE MINDSET - Understand that Self Care is not a luxury - it’s a necessity. Just as you can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t properly look after others, if you are depleted. Taking care of yourself allows you to be the best version of yourself, for those around you.
START SMALL - Self Care doesn’t have to take up loads of your times or be elaborate. Start with small, manageable actions like a few minutes to take deep breaths, enjoy a cup of tea in the garden or practice some gratitude. These small cts add up and make a big difference in your overall wellbeing.
SET BOUNDARIES - Learn to say no & set boundaries. It’s completely find to not take on extra responsibilities or delegates tasks to others. Setting boundaries helps protect your time and energy, allowing you to focus on yourself without feeling overwhelmed.
COMMUNITY IS KEY - Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s family, friends or a professional, having a support system can make a world of difference. Share you struggles and lean on others if you need to. Sometimes just talking about your challenges can help!
PRACTICE SELF COMPASSION - Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you show to others. Celebrate all your little wins. Remember that it’s ok to make mistakes and that you deserve care & love just as much as anyone else.
CREATE A ROUTINE - Incorporate Self Care into your daily routine. Schedule it just like you would any other activity/appointment. This could be 5 minutes morning Meditation, a weekly Yoga class or a monthly Spa Day, make Self Care a non-negotiable part of your life.
EMBRACE IMPERFECTION - Let go of the need for perfection. Understand that it’s ok to have imperfections and that striving for balance is more realistic than perfection. Embrace the messy, imperfect nature of life and give yourself permission to prioritise your own needs.
The struggle to prioritise Self Love and Self Care is a common challenge for many women, rooted deeply in society, perfectionism, guilt and a lack of time and support. However, by reframing Self Care as a necessity, starting small, setting boundaries, seeking support, practicing some Self Compassion, creating a routine and embracing imperfections, women can start to nurture themselves with the same dedication and care that they show to others.
Remember, Self Care is not selfish, It’s an essential part of living a happy and healthy life. By taking steps to care for yourself, you not only boost your own wellbeing but you also become better equipped to care for those you love, too. It’s time to put yourself at the top of your priority list and give yourself the love and care that you deserve.